Mario, Falco, and the Falcon
by Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus
Summary: After discovering that the Falcon Punch drink was a lie, Mario heads over to Falco's tiny restaurant and chats with Falco, exchanging ideas on how to get revenge on the ego boasting Captain Falcon. FINISHED!
1. Chapter 1

One day of some week in the middle of Spring (because it is the second greatest season ever, only second to the greatness that is Summer), Mario was off in the meadows, taking another of his many renowned, peaceful strolls. No Koopas, no Goombas, no Bo-Bombs, no Shy Guys, no Pokeys, no Piranha Plants, or any other enemies of his were in sight, and the only things within the meadows other than the absolutely beautiful green grass that showcased the simple beauty of it were several bushes that contained different kinds of berries, like the Sitrus Berry, the Oran Berry, the Rawst Berry, the... okay, you get the point.

"Hmmm," Mario stated to himself as he rubbed his chin, pondering some interesting thing to himself as his legs became stronger and healthier, "I could sure use a drink to give me a punch." Before he could object to the laws of physics, Captain falcon suddenly popped up out of thin air, delivering a FALCON PAUNCH into the middle aged plumber's gut, knocking him down.

"YESZ!!!" Captain Falcon saluted as he grinned, "Show Me Your Moves with my new drink, FALCON PUNCH!!!" He immediately got out a can of juice, with the words 'FALCON PUNCH' badly written on it, "Certified to make you nearly as buff and awesome as me, and with enough power to..." He charged up his Falcon Paunch just as mario got back up to his feet, "Perform a FALCON PAUNCH!!!!"

BOOOM!!!! Mario was knocked two miles back towards the eastern direction, lying on the grass unconscious, his face buried within the hidden mud underneath the smooth grass. Captain Falcon only did a pose as he dashed off towards the northern direction, leaving behind his Falcon Punch energy drink.

Silence. The wind blew gently as crickets out of nowhere began chirping in harmony, whereas Mario remained seemingly lifeless.

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...All right, this is starting to get boring.

Mario later woke up, rubbing the back of his sore neck as he turned around, to see that Captain Falcon was long gone, but noticed that he left behind his Falcon Punch energy drink. Shrugging and feeling that he needed some punch in his afternoon, Mario grabbed the can and opened it up, chugging the energy drink down his throat. But he noticed something uncanny about the drink... nothing was coming out of it.

"Hmmm?" Mario pondered, as he peeked inside the can to see water floating inside of it. He tried sipping it again, but noticed that he didn't taste anything. Growling as he begun to get frustrated, Mario began to shake the can, hearing the water bouncing up and down. He then smirked as he then planned to drink down the energy drink, but once again, nothing of taste value came out. Screaming, Mario chucked the seemingly empty can of Falcon Punch into the air and fired several red hot fireballs at it, watching the can exploded in an epic fashion. Sighing to himself, Mario dusted himself off and headed back towards the western direction, towards his apparent destination.

"...Wait a minute..." Mario stated as he realized something crucial, taking off his red cap and scratching his brownish hair, "I don't even have a destination!"

* * *

Meanwhile, at some random store in the middle of the meadows, Falco Lombardi sighed as he waited for more customers. Sadly, he had very little money to keep his Pizza shop open, a cake sign recently installed outside in an attempt to bring in more customers.

"Darn it, that stupid Captain Falcon tricked me!" Falcon cursed as he placed his right hand on his right cheek and shook his head, "Why did I bother listening to him in the first place...?"

"Don't worry, Falco," Said Falco's angel, who appeared on the blue bird's right shoulder, "I'm sure that if you're patient enough, then you'll likely get customers eventually. After all, being patient is one of the most important values of life."

At the proclamation of this, Falco's devil appeared on his left shoulder, nagging on back at the angel. "Patient enough, patient enough, bah! It's likely that if you allowed people to get your hands on your bread, then you wouldn't be in such a rut! I mean honestly, who in their right mind is going to pay money to try a pizzacake, for crying out loud?"

"Yoo-hoo!" A call out from the eastern direction that echoed over to Falco made the blue bird, as well as his split spirits, realize that Mario was coming over. Gasping in shock, Falco smashed the two spirits into one and rolled them up into a pizzacake, placing the pizza-filled cake right on the front as Mario made his way towards the fleeting store.

"Mario, Mario!" Falco greeted as he gave Mario a red stool to sit on, shaking the red-capped plumber's right gloved hand as he insisted, "here, take this fine chair! You'll like it!"

Mario smiled, shaking back. "Gee, thanks Falco! It sure is nice to know that-" As he sat down on the red stool, it broke in half, causing him to fall on the dirt-paved ground below.

Dropping his beak in disbelief, Falco ran into the back and got a yellow-colored stool, kicking aside the broken red stool and placing the yellow stool in its place.

"Ignore that little problem, Mario," Falco chuckled nervously as sweat began pouring down from his head, "Just have a seat and enjoy anything to your liking."

Mario smiled, and he sat on top of the yellow stool, noticing the pizzacake that was in front of him. Smacking his lips, Mario took a bite out of it, and he gave Falco a thumbs up sign. Falco sighed of relief as he watched Mario take in the entire meal.

"Oh, thank you Mario, thank you," Falco stated as he was practically kissing Mario's left hand, looking up and continuing, "You have no idea how much I've been trying to convince people to come here. I somewhat need this." He then paused to think for a minute, and asked, "Speaking of needing something, you have fifteen bucks I could use, seeing as how you ate a meal?"

Mario nodded, and he pulled out his wallet from his blue overalls right pocket, opening it up and handing over a twenty dollar bill and some gold coins. Falco giggled with glee as he accepted the coins and placed them... in his own wallet.

"Aren't dollars and coins suppose to go into the store's cash register" Mario curiously asked as he scratched his head in confusion.

Falco chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his head as he slyly replied, "Err, umm, well, you see, we don't have any cash registers.... hehehe..." He groaned as he shook his head, slamming his head on the table. "Captain Falcon didn't bother giving me anything else to help me with my store, so I'm stuck like this until I can strike enough money to make this place better."

Mario's eyes nearly popped out at the mention of Captain Falcon. "Oh! Him!" He slammed his right fist on the table, stating to Falco, "If I see that failure of a racer slash bounty hunter again, I'm going to give him fireballs up where the sun won't shine!"

Falco looked up at Mario, shocked. "Wait, he did you in too?" He asked, and he listened onto Mario's tale of how Captain Falcon had him. In the nearby strawberry filled bushes, two unknown characters were listening in, having a voice recorder with them to record the entire conversation between Mario and Falco.


	2. Chapter 2

Mario and Falco Lombardi were still at the blue falcon's failed restaurant, wondering what to do after the red-capped plumber finished up his meal of seventeen pizzacakes. The two strange figures in the bushes continued hearing upon the conversation between the two Smashers, the recorder recording the rather interesting conversation, which for some bizarre reason involved umbrellas mixed with flamingos.

"So you see," Mario started with his failure of a Bill Cosby impersonation, "That's why I decided to, um, head out for a stroll. To get... some peace."

Falco only sighed with a yawn as he looked up at the broken clock that hung from the inside of the shop, ticking slowly. Blinking, the blue falcon gazed up at the clear blue sky, with not a cloud in sight.

"Geeze louise, would it kill if we could just have something interesting!?" He shouted as he focused his attention on the bushes, hearing them move about. Jumping out from the inside of the restaurant, Falco started firing lasers from his shotgun at the bush, causing the two mysterious figures - one girl named Nana and another girl (who acted like a boy) named Ness - to jump out of the bushes, screaming as they held each other. Falco rolled his eyes while Mario took off his red cap and started scratching his brown hair covered head in confusion.

"What the? You two were listening in on us?" Mario asked out of curiosity, blinking.

Ness sweatdropped nervously, gulping as she was grabbed by Falco, screaming. "Eep! We were undercover for Captain Falcon! Please don't hurt me!" She resorted to tears as she trembled in fright.

Falco sighed and dropped Ness to the floor, firmly putting his feathery hands on his hips as he growled, "You gotta be kiddin' me! What does that idiot want with us?"

Nana gulped, tugging her pink parka in anxiety as she was faced by Mario. "Well, I guess that Captain Falcon wanted to know how his Falcon Punch was, so he sent the both of us here to... well..." She let out a nervous giggle as her scared smile turned into a frightened frown, hiding behind Ness.

Mario and Falco, both their arms folded, looked eat each other and simply shook their heads.

"Really? I can't believe that Douglas would be so desperate to send these girls here," Falco stated to Mario as he turned on his scanner, "Come on, let's go find him and kick his sorry ass across the meadows."

Mario nodded in agreement, adjusting his red cap firmly. "Right behind you, Falco!" He added as he chased after Falco towards the northern direction, going on for the search of Captain Falcon.

Nana could only watch in awe as the two Brooklynites left her behind, and she turned around, to see Ness huddled together. "Ness, are you okay?" She asked as she titled her head in confusion.

Ness was only crying, too frightened of thinking what may have become of her if Falco would have beaten her up. Nana sighed as she stood up and dragged Ness behind her as the two headed back to... umm...

...

Damn, I forgot there was no Super Smash Brothers Mansion in this. OH WELL!!!


	3. Chapter 3

Mario and Falco Lombardi were chasing Captain Falcon, who was running as fast as he could. The two Brooklynites yelled angrily as they got close to the F-ZERO pilot.

"You'll pay for this, Falcon! I swear it by my bread!" Falco threatened as he took out his blaster and began shooting at Captain Falcon.

Captain Falcon managed to dodge the blasts, but he was damaged by the red hot fireballs that Mario was now chuckling. He turned around briefly and chuckled. "Try all you want, but you'll never get the great CAPTAIN FALCON!" He then summoned the Blue Falcon and drove away.

Falco growled as he angrily pounded the ground. "Damn it! We lost track of him, and we have no way of catching up!" He cursed as he shook his head in dismay.

Mario merely grinned, folding his arms as he closed his eyes and chuckled for a bit. "Oh ho ho, my fine feathered friend, but we do have a way." He then pulled out a green warp pipe out of nowhere from the ground and pulled out his kart from Mario Kart: Double Dash!!, the good old fashioned Red Fire. "With THIS baby, we can manage to catch up to Falcon in no time!"

Falco looked up, turning to face Mario and cheered, laughing as he stated, while getting onto the kart's back position, "Heh heh, you sure this will work, Mario?"

Mario merely casted a dark grin as he got into the driver's seat and started up the Red Fire, tossing a mushroom into the engine. The Red Fire reacted, and in a flash, it took off at high speeds.

Falco took out his blaster again, using it in his right hang as he hung onto the Red Fire's railings with his left hand. "Now... let's try this again..." He stated as he aimed at the Blue Falcon.

Captain Falcon turned around, to see Mario and Falco in the Red Fire. He gulped as he then started releasing several smart bombs. Mario swiftly swerved to the left and right to easily avoid the bombs, whilst Falco began shooting at the Blue Falcon. The Blue Falcon took a tiny biy of damage, but it was enough to cause it to spin around. Captain Falcon quickly regained control and turned to the right, heading downhill a winding path. Mario followed as the Red Fire barely scraped on the mountain wall, swifting to avoid the snapping Piranha Plants that were on the ground. Falco pushed away several Piranha Plants that tried to snap at him, getting knocked in the head by a tree branch. He growled as a Fake Item Box then hit him square in the face, paralyzing him. Mario noticed what Captain Falcon was doing, and performed a trick move up in the air, allowing the Red Fire to avoid the Fake Item Boxes. However, that caused the Red Fire to head straight into a streaming river, while the Blue Falcon turned left and got away. Mario and Falco both screamed as the river picked them up.

"Yesz!" Captain Falcon boldly exclaimed as he grinned, driving away with ease.

Needless to say, Falco wasn't pleased. Not one bit. Not even a teeny weeny bit.

"Damn it! How the hell are we gonna get that fucking Captain Falcon now!?" Falco exclaimed angrily while unneccessarily cursing as he punched and kicked away the Octoroks and Cheep Cheep fish that were flying his way, "He's slick, he's sly, and he's a dead man!"

Mario sighed as he took out a Bo-Bomb, closing his eyes. "I know the perfect way," He assured as he lit the Bo-Bomb and chucked it towards the east, watching it explode as part of the mountain came crumbling down.

Captain Falcon sighed of relief as he continued riding downwards in his Blue Falcon, thankful that Mario and Falco weren't following him anymore. However, he looked up, and screamed, having the mountain rubble crash right onto him, burying the Blue Falcon. Captain Falcon then used his Falcon Punch to get rid of the rubble, looking around to make sure the two bothersome characters were around. Before he could react, however, another explosion occured, shaking the ground and causing the good captain to trip. He looked up in horror, as more mountain rubble came rolling down.

"FALCON... NO!!!" He boldly screamed as he was once again buried alive.


	4. Chapter 5

Ness and Nana both moaned as they tried to get the rubble off of Captain Falcon. However, they stopped as they were spotted by Falco, who was in a rather heroic pose.

"All right, nobody move..." Falco started as different loafs of bread fell from his pocket, watching them tumble downhill.

Ness and Nana stared blankly at Falco, not wondering what to do as they remained in their positions.

"Uhh..." Ness tried pointing out, coughing nervously as she spoke while standing still, pointing at falco and then at the dropped loafs of bread, "Your bread just rolled away."

"Moar like it did a bread roll," Nana teased, giggling as she and Ness then bursted into laughter.

Falco shook with anger, grabbing the wo girls and smashing them into each other as he looked over the debris, to see the tired Captain Falcon. He grabbed the F-ZERO pilot by the neck and strangled him, threatening, "All right, joker, the bib's up! You ain't Falcon Pawnching anyone today."

Captain Falcon tried his best to escape Falco's strong grasp, but he was so wounded, he could barely put up a fight. Falco sneered, and he tossed the captain into the air, chucking a smart bomb at him as he then shot a laser. Watching Captain Falcon blasting off again after the smart bomb epically exploded, Falco dusted off his feathers as he headed back to the waterfall, only to find the bloody remains of the Red Gyarados.

"Wha..." Before Falco could even comment, Mario popped up right behind the blue falcon, and the two wrapped each other's arms around each other as the two Brooklynites had a good laugh.

* * *

Back at Falco's bar, the two Smashers were enjoying a drink, on the house from Falco. Mario welcomed it especially, considering that he was nearly blasted to death.

"Falco, you sure know how to make a good smoothie," Mario commented as he sipped some more, "You even got my favorite, watermelon!" He paused and rubbed his chin. "Watermelon... hmm, why does THAT sound so familiar..."

Falco laughed as he laid back on his beach chair and sighed. "Take a load off, Mario," He insisted as he looked up at the clear blue sky, "We had fun, we got our revenge on Captain Idiot, and now we're just relaxing." He sighed of relief. "Nothing could be better."

Before any moment of peace further, Mario and Falco were suddenly sent flying into the air by an explosion, which was caused by... Waluigi!?

"Wa ha ha! Waluigi, number one!" Waluigi exclaimed as he took a watermelon smoothie and sipped it as he sat down on Falco's beach chair, enjoying the moment.

**THE END**

* * *

Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus: And now, it's finally finished. I hope you guys made LOTSA SPAGHETTI - err, I mean, enjoy it!


End file.
